Thursday, January 16, 2014

If My Newborn Is Gay

The other day, my month old daughter and I were laying by the pool. I was thinking about how unpredictable life is. As life would unfailingly surprise me in that exact moment, the most interesting lady swam up by me and chatted me up. She was in her late 50s and wore a hot pink bikini. We talked about motherhood, breast feeding, business, inventions, and charity. She told me how she was involved in our community, giving back, and helping gay youth. She mentioned that she had two sons, her youngest one being a gay man. We talked about how many people live their life being untrue to themselves, hiding who they are because they're afraid of their parents or their religion or their friends condemning them being gay. She mentioned that she served as a "second mom" to people in the community who are gay and need someone to support and love them. I wish everyone I met was this amazing.

Then I started thinking about my daughter. She's 5 weeks old. We have these ideas and dreams about what we think our kids will turn out like; I dream of my daughter growing up and going to the prom with some cute guy. I dream that she comes to mom for dating advice and we talk about what guys are worth going after (why not? Mom scored an amazing husband, after all). I think about her married to a loving, rich, successful, handsome, man and living happily ever after.

Then the thought occurred to me: what if she is gay? I'm forced to stop and re-think her future and what's really going to make her happy. I will admit: It's a little bit odd thinking about your month-old daughter growing up and being with another woman, but there's a very good chance that it could happen, given that over 9 million Americans are gay, and she's growing up in a very accepting community and open generation. Am I ready for that possibility?

I have to ask myself the hard question: is that what I would want for my daughter? Being openly gay is not the easiest life. Just as I never chose to be heterosexual, I don't believe homosexuals choose their orientation. I see it just as much of a choice as the color of the skin you are born with. If you think being gay is a choice, just ask any gay person if they would CHOOSE the ridicule and confusion and hatred that they inevitably face at some point in their life for being gay. Who would choose that course of life if they had the choice of being just as happy and true to themselves as a heterosexual person? Of course, some gay people have more support than others. But unfortunately, we still don't live in a society that 100% supports and accepts gay lifestyle and culture. I hope that by the time my daughter reaches the point where others might have an opinion about her sexual orientation, our society will have continued to shift for the better.

We all deserve to be happy, to be ourselves, to love those who we love, and to have the choice to get married to whom we love. I look at my daughter for who she is now: tiny, innocent and helpless, and imagine the grown up she will be one day. I can't imagine loving her any less for being gay, she will be the same person she is today, just grown. It makes me sad to think that there are parents out there who outcast their children because they are gay. As a mother, I would love my daughter regardless of the choices she made, for who she turned out to be, for what her sexual orientation would be. Some people say that homosexuality is not natural. What's not natural is for a mother to abandon her child, period, for any reason. We're designed to love whom we love, just as I love my daughter unconditionally, she will love someone (almost) as much someday, and whoever she ends up loving, I will love her just the same.


  1. Sara,

    If every parents in the world were to be like you, I promise this world would be a great place to live in. Your post brings hope to many, especially the LGBTIQ community around the world. Many of these individuals yearn for the acceptance and unconditional love from their parents and family, alot of time not being as "blessed/lucky" as your daughter might be. Having said that, with the more of you in this world, kids like your daughter will live a wonderful life, filled with love and acceptance. Thank you so much.

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